And this our life, our beginning...

This is not the beginning of my life, not even close, but it is the beginning of something new. This quote came from our wedding invitations almost 18 years ago and seemed fitting now. If you had told me then where I'd be now, I never would have believed it. I still sometimes can't believe I am where I am now. Yet, here I find myself. So many things have happened in the recent past, things that have massively shaped who I am, and how I feel about that, my life, my family, my heart, my soul...

This is the place where I try to pull it all together and share what I feel compelled to share. Lately I feel like I am almost truly coming into myself, into the woman, wife and mother that God has designed me to be. I am learning what true happiness is. I am learning what really matters in this, my life.

I intend this blog to give a little insight to my life. I hope to be able to share things that are happy, things that are sad, things that are poignant, things that are trite, things that carry a lot of weight, things that are shallow. It is of all these things (and many more) that I am made up, and I want to share that with my friends, my family, even with strangers. The reason? Simple. I have felt alone. I felt downtrodden. I have felt like there is no other soul out there who understands me. For every person who thinks the way I do, I know in reality, there are plenty of others out there who think the same thing. I have stressed so much in my life and wasted so much time worrying about what others think of me, and if I am coming across the way I intend. I have obsessed about whether people like me. If so, how can they possibly? If not, what is wrong with me?

I am at a place in my life where I feel like I am finally getting a grasp on just who I really am. And you know what? I'm okay. I am beautiful. I am lovely. I am silly. I am nerdy. I am imperfect. I am so many things, but for the first time in my life, I am okay, really and truly okay, with being me.

I come with a lot of baggage, and that load has worn grooves into my heart and soul, and those marks, some rough gouges, some smooth valleys, make up the topography of me. Mapping out these uneven surfaces, if it helps someone find their way, well...it's worth it. And if this becomes nothing but a treasure map that leads to nowhere, well... it's worth it. The point is, I have a voice, and even if I am the only one who hears it, I am not alone.